Friday, March 30, 2007

"Gonzales Defends His Role in Firings"

. . . so reads this afternoon's headline in the Washington Post on-line edition.

Of course he does. You expected that he would say something like this:

"I am here to acknowledge that I really fucked-up this whole US attorney firing thing. Rather than stand up to my bosses on principle, I have built a very successful career placating people with the power to advance my ambition. Yes, it is true I have never had a serious idea about anything related to the law in my entire life, and that I would do anything to appease George Bush or Karl Rove, even though their, 'Let Al handle his own demise. We have complete confidence in him' defense makes it clear that, like Scooter, they would throw me overboard in a heartbeat to save their own asses. And while there is part of me that wants to throttle this little-shit, pasty-faced white boy Kyle Sampson, I have made it this far by not challenging anything that anyone in a position to help me has ever said or done."

"I never thought I would end up in this position because people like me who never express an independent thought usually stay out of trouble. When I worked in the White House, I wrote memos justifying torture and "extraordinary rendition." They wanted an executive branch unaccountable to the public and Congress and I came up with some crock of shit they could tell the press. The truth? It wasn't really me because I don't think that much or that hard. But I picked nut cases like John Yoo to think the big thoughts. I just signed off on them, just like I signed off on the Gonzales Eight."

"Or did I? I don't recall. As I said in a statement this afternoon, I don't recall being in a meeting with Kyle, my deputy Paul McNulty or anyone else to discuss this, even though they say that I was and I have email documenting that, even if I wasn't there, which I might have been, at least I knew about it. How can Kyle recall that? He said in his testimony yesterday 122 times that he couldn't recall people, places, meetings, events, etc. involving these insufficiently partisan -- oops, I mean incompetent -- US attorneys. So if Kyle can't recall whether he could recall whether I could recall that I might not be able to recall a meeting that I don't recall recalling, how can I be expected to recall my role in this patriotic measure to restore prosecutorial competence to these eight judicial districts?"

"Look, I want the truth as much as anyone. I want my memory back from the Martians living in Roswell, New Mexico, which, not coincidentally, is the state where this whole overblown US attorney thing started. Had David Iglesias, the US attorney in Mexico, not been so lax in prosecuting these Martians -- all Democrats, by the way -- they would never have stolen my memory and I would be able not to recall more than just one incident in which I took part. I agreed to let Kyle fire Mr. Iglesias, even though I can't recall whether I agreed to or not. Kyle said 122 times that he couldn't recall things I'm sure he can recall if he just thought about it. I am only unable to recall one thing I should be able to recall. Once I get my memory back -- something the president supports as long as it doesn't undermine the troops or the Global War on Terror -- I will clear my good name."

"Simply because I am the Attorney General of the United States does not mean I should be expected to know what goes on in the 93 judicial districts served by US attorneys I helped vet when I worked in the White House. Please remember that I took an oath to uphold and defend George W. Bush, not the Constitution, when I began my service, just like every other political appointee of this administration. Being able not to recall significant personnel matters on which I signed off and approved is something that reasonable people can agree is in the best tradition of the Department of Justice under this administration. I hope that President Bush will continue to support me, and I hope he makes good on the inevitable recommendation of the Washington Post that he appoint a bi-partisan commission headed by Bob Dole and Joe Lieberman to find out what is wrong with me. No one looks forward more than me to returning to the normal state of incompetence that defined my leadership before I was invaded by space aliens."

He should say that. But he won't. Sigh.

No comments: