Thursday, December 13, 2007

There are black ones and brown ones and tan ones . . . and they all look just the same

Earlier today I turned around after ordering coffee and bumped into a student wearing a black North Face jacket and Ugg boots. She didn't see me because she was talking on her cell phone about how, like, she had no more "anytime" minutes left on her plan. I took a few steps to my right to the cream and sugar kiosk, where, right as I was about to put my coffee on the counter, a student in a black North Face jacket and Ugg boots knocked my freshly brewed afternoon pick-me-up out of my hands and onto the floor? Did I hear an "excuse me?" No, I heard, instead, a shriek into her cell phone, "Oooooh, my God! Like there's coffee all OVER MY NEW UGGS!" I think . . . think she glared at me, as it was hard to see her eyes behind her big, big, BIG sunglasses that obscured most of her forehead and cheekbones. After I retrieved a wet cloth rag from the person who poured my coffee (and nicely offered me another cup, on the house, since the coffee bomb that took out the Ugg boot did not launch at my initiative), another student leaned over and said, "Dude, that fuckin' sucks! Like, she'll probably make you pay for her boots."

"Dude," I responded, "I don't think that's going to happen."

"Dude, I don't know. These women are pretty protective of their ugly-ass boots."

The first thing that came into my mind wasn't a lawsuit or entry into a witness protection program. It was the theme song from the Showtime series, "Weeds," called, "Little Boxes," a folk tune from the late 1960s. If you know the song, then you'll recognize, sort of, the following adaptation to my university.


Little UGG boots on the North Quad, Little UGG boots made of suede, Little UGG boots lined in fleece, Little UGG boots all the same. There are brown ones and some tan ones/And some purple ones and some black ones/And some meshy ones and some furry ones/And they're not tested on animals/Even though that's from where they came

And they all look just just the same

And the UGG girls in their UGG boots attend my university/And they all come out the same/And the UGG girls in NORTH FACE/And big glasses, sometimes stilettos, where they all come out the same

And the AU boys in ABERCROMBIE/They wanna be lawyers and congressmen/And they all come out the same/And the AU Boys in J. Crew/Can't they think of something new?

There's an iPhone/And a Blackberry/And a text message/And some hair gel

See the AU boys in NORTH FACE/Who look like they're hiking/Hair slicked back like a Viking/And they all look just the same.

Dude, you don't understand/Dude, you're my man/Dude, I'm in the gym/Dude, I can't speak English I'm so dim.

They all attend my university. And they all come out just the same.


Carrie-Lynne said...

Wow! I don't go to AU but that is kind of funny in the sense aren't people just whack nowadays! I hope you don't have anymore coffee/boots incidents.

~Wright State-r

kbune said...

Having gone to AU myself in the past, I would hope that the AU students of today could find it in themselves to have some manners and not be so self-absorbed and rude. Sorry to hear that happened to you and shame on her for reacting in such a selfish and unbecoming manner. I hope she is an exception and not the rule today to the students who attend AU. I am proud of my school and of having my degrees from the institution and don't want to see someone of her caliber tarnish the reputation of the student body in general or the school itself.

--AU alum